One of the women couldn't even stay in the Voodoo shop (I'm pretty sure that's not actually what it was called but that's what I remember) because it creeped her out so much. Another woman wanted to buy everything she saw because it was 'so cool'. The third woman and I had our cards read together in a little back room by a little dude who has been reading cards since 1972 (why I remember that fact I have no idea).
Anyway, my friend went first and had her reading. Which for her, seemed pretty revealing and correct. When I chose my cards they were all completely different from hers. None were the same which is interesting to me since there are a finite number of cards, you'd think some would repeat. Another thing I noticed is that the creepier cards aren't really that bad depending on how that card is influenced by the card next to it.
Our reader told us what our cards meant. He didn't tell us our futures. He only gave us his interpretation. Frankly, it was pretty fucking vague.
But I did learn something from that reading. And it is this: I am afraid.
I made a decision after that reading: I choose to no longer be afraid.
I am afraid of offending people. I am afraid of what other people think. I am afraid that I'm not good enough. I am afraid of failing. I am afraid to try. And I am afraid to not try.
I really thought my "problem" all this time was that I'm just a seasoned procrastinator and comfortably lazy. But at the root of these traits is fear.
I have had a re-occuring dream for years. I have a house and in this house I keep finding new rooms that I didn't know where there. Some of them are messy and need to be cleaned out, like a cluttered attic. The kitchen always needs remodeling. I googled this sort of re-occuring dream and SURPRISE! it means I am not living up to my full potential. I'm not using all of me. Like my dream house (not to be confused with my Imaginary Lake House!) I have a lot of rooms to clean out, remodel and put to use.
I think that's why I started to blog again. I have a lot to say. Writing is cathartic. Plus, I really like when people tell me they like to read my words and that they got a laugh out of something I wrote. Being funny and (occasionally) insightful is my confidence building tool and occasionally my crutch.
We all have our "things". Humor is mine.
Here's the thing though: I have a lot of un-funny things to say. Gun control, American apathy, Planned Parenthood, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Fucking Lamar Odam. I have opinions that are not funny though I hope they start a discussion and maybe we can find a solution. And since I choose to no longer be afraid, I will add those topics to this blog.
Since "The Reading" I have also decided to volunteer at children's hospital. There was a bit of resistance on the home front and I had previously acquiesced. But I decided, fuck that! I have the time, the energy, the strength, the fortitude and the spirit to give back. I'm really happy with my decision. Let me tell ya, being at the hospital as a volunteer is waaaaaayyy better than being a parent at the hospital with a sick child. It is the least I can do.