She lives in my heart.
Here is another part of her story;
My Baby Girl was born and died on February 7, 1993. My birthday is March 6. I am the first girl on my dad's side of my family in 39 years. Including my uncle, my dad, my cousins and brothers; there are nine males between me and my dad's sister, my Aunt Roseline.
Here's the weird thing: Roseline was born on February 7th. She died of pneumonia on March 6th at 13 months old. I wasn't aware of these dates until years after my Baby's birth.
Let me tell ya a couple things about being the first girl on the DeBilzan side of the family in 39 years. It was a big deal! As an infant I received special presents from my Uncles. One of them even gave my mother $20. (In the folk lore of my family this was an incredible gesture!) According to my mother, my father was 'over the moon' handing out pink-banded cigars and telling everyone he had a daughter.
Every time we visited my father's super small home town, random people would pop over to "see what a DeBilzan girl looked like". My five boy cousins who lived in this small town, with all the people who had known my Grandparents and possibly my Aunt, lived with the myth of the 'DeBilzan Girl'. To this day, my cousins, whom I see about every 20 years and have several daughters of their own, hold me in a particularly special place in their hearts - and I them. My brothers, on the other hand, knew me better and were therefore never as accommodating and awestruck. Shocking!
Fast forward to a neighborhood theme party in the early 2000's. I don't remember the theme but they had invited a Psychic to give readings for their guests. So, being that party friend who comes early and stays late, I was first in line.
The Psychic says to ask her a question. I proceed to tell her the story of these birth and death dates wondering if there is a connection.
She asked if we were going to have any more children. Then she said, "That baby came back to you."
I'll tell you, I wasn't wholly shocked by this statement. My youngest daughter's due date was February 5th, eight years after my First was born and died. During this pregnancy, mostly because of the similarity of due dates, I thought a lot about my First Baby. It was upsetting to me. For some reason I didn't want the babies to share February 7th. I was unhealthy through my pregnancy with Kendall. I gained a lot of weight, my blood pressure was up, I felt terrible and I complained like it was my one true calling. The doctors induced her birth two weeks early. This was especially fortunate because there was a knot in Kendall's cord and my blood pressure was off the charts. The doctor said this birth took 10 years off his career. He changed jobs shortly afterward.
With the epidural and oxygen I was mostly oblivious to all that had gone on during Kendall's birth but I do know that my first thought when I saw her was, "She looks like my First Baby." My second thought was that she didn't have any eyelashes or eyebrows - both of which are enviable and gorgeous today! I also remember having a feeling of completeness when I saw Kendall. Maybe it was because I knew she was our last baby and our family was complete. Maybe it was because I sort of knew "that Baby came back to me".
The second thing the psychic said was, "You are never alone. Your Aunt is always with you."
Surprising yet validating. I've always known someone was with me. I particularly felt it as a younger person. I just thought it was my paternal grandmother, Grandma Trace. It's Roseline who's been keeping me company all these years.
It's nice to know.
Love You My Friends!